Do you struggle with finding your voice? Most of us have encountered this challenge in various ways, whether in the family dynamic, romantic relationships, work, or broader discussions.
It is an essential part of personal growth that takes courage and practice. It is vital to own your well-reasoned viewpoint and to garner the respect of being heard.
Here are tips for finding your voice and standing up for yourself effectively.
Tip 1: Think It Through
Do you have a clear perspective on the subject being discussed? It’s critical to research and gain verifiable knowledge of the subject so that your viewpoint is reasonable and carries weight.
A hypnotherapy client told me she has frequent conversations about politics but then admitted her opinions are based on her brother’s take on the news. She confessed she hasn’t listened to speeches or read legislative documents herself. No wonder it’s hard for people to take her seriously.
Research means objectively examining various sides of an issue to extract your unique and educated perspective. Whether the subject is politics, nutrition, child-rearing, or the best current movie, be ready to back it up if you want to express your opinion and be heard.
Tip 2: Recognize and Enhance the Value of Your Voice
Yes, your voice is a valuable commodity. Hone and treasure it. Words are magic. They shape ideas, convey concepts, and carry energy.
People are interested in hearing creative ideas, fresh perspectives, and new facts. Finding your voice will be easier when you have something valuable to add to the conversation. Avoid devaluing the conversation with gossip, complaints, or commonly held opinions.
I worked with a client who had social anxiety and dreaded going to parties. I suggested he find two or three topics he would enjoy discussing. He diligently prepared in advance, researching and strategizing a unique approach to his chosen topics.
He later reported that he nailed it and could turn any conversation into a topic about which he had distinct knowledge and interesting opinions.
Tip 3: Use Confident Body Language
Non-verbal communication plays a significant role in how your message is received. Observe people around you. What can you tell about them from their body language?
Notice the body language of people who attract listeners and draw respect for their viewpoints. How do they stand? What is their posture?
One way to enhance your confident body language is to stand tall, make eye contact, and use a clear, steady voice. Even if you’re nervous, projecting confidence can help ensure your message is taken seriously.
Practice standing in front of a mirror. Take a solid stance with your feet shoulder-width apart, shoulders square, and head held high. Notice how that feels.
While taking that pose, think of a time you were very proud of yourself, such as winning an award, receiving a compliment, or completing a successful project. Remember how you felt. Flood your body with those feelings again.
Practice this pose and energetic boost when preparing to make your point.
Tip 4: Find the Right Moment
In a world of noise, finding your voice helps you stand out and be heard. Look for opportunities when your input will be most effective and well-received.
When a person is stuck in their perspective, it is hard to move them through arguments and accusations. Instead, think about joining them on their side momentarily. Agree with something they say. Right away, they will think you must be smart! Then, gently start to point out flaws in their logic. Give them cause to be unsure of their position.
As you will see in Tip #6, this will allow you to let your thoughts be known. Through practice and persistence, finding your voice becomes an empowering experience.
Granted, sometimes the problem is we find ourselves conversing with someone who appears never to take a breath. At those times, it takes a lot of work to get a word in edgewise.
Having a few tactics available to create a break may help. Consider placing your hand gently on their arm or raising a finger to indicate you have a thought to share.
Tip 5: Break State
There is another way to create an opportunity to find your voice and make your point. In hypnotherapy, we use a tactic called Breaking State to disarm and distract the client. The purpose in therapy is to draw their attention away from the work we just did so that it will assimilate better.
This strategy is like the shiny object that catches our attention and makes us forget what is being discussed. In this case, you can apply it deliberately.
Let’s say you’re conversing with someone who is not allowing you to voice your point of view. You can suddenly point at something or someone and comment in the middle of what they are saying. Try something like, “Oh, you have that book! I’ve wanted to read that. Interesting….well, back to our discussion, here is what I think.”
Tip 6: Lead with a Question
Remember that everyone with an opinion thinks they are right.
If you interject an alternative perspective or argument to their logic, they will respond defensively or dismiss you. They will be all the more determined to prove you wrong. However, your argument may carry more weight if you wedge in your perspective strategically.
Engage them first: “That’s an interesting perspective”.
Ask a question: “How did you come to this viewpoint?” I like to ask, “What is your epistemology?”
Epistemology is the research and investigation that supports an opinion, such as what you did in Tip One. This often stops them in their tracks because they likely must admit they don’t know the word. That may be enough to loosen their grip on their opinions, making you sound intelligent!
Proceed with a teaser: “I’m not following your logic.” Or “I see some holes in your argument.” Don’t elaborate. This step is to arouse curiosity.
At that point, they may start asking you questions, and then you have an opportunity to express your perspective.
Tip 7: Lighten Up
Sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. What value is it to you to have the other person listen to you? You are learning their opinions, which speak volumes about their values, philosophy, character, and state of consciousness. They are learning nothing about you.
While finding your voice is life-affirming, and it is lovely to be recognized and respected, you may want to ask yourself, “Respected by whom?”
Are they closed-minded? So self-centered and arrogant that they think only their opinion matters? So rigid that they no longer allow themselves to learn something new?
Remember the quote by Albert Einstein: “Once you stop learning, you start dying.” I tend to feel sorry for people who are too closed-minded and afraid to consider someone else’s perspective.
I have been known to say, “We can agree to disagree, even though you’re wrong.” And then, of course, I laugh. It’s a joke! Why do people take that so seriously?
Tip 8: Set Boundaries
Setting and maintaining boundaries is part of standing up for yourself and finding your voice.
Prioritize your well-being and learn to say “no” when necessary. Be clear about your core values. Know the people, activities, and things that support your life path and are valuable to you. Surround yourself with those people and things that uplift, respect, and nourish you.
Challenges will arise when living by your stated values, so be prepared to stand firm and defend what you know is consequential to you. Some people may fall away, but that makes room for others more aligned with your authentic self.
Another boundary in finding your voice is determining whether the person who does not respect your perspective is worth the time and effort to have them listen to you or be in your life. Sometimes, it just isn’t worth the effort.
When I started learning about metaphysics, studying astrology and tarot, and later experiencing past life regressions, I thought everyone needed to be enlightened about these topics. They needed to expand their consciousness and become aware of the marvels of the universe.
Soon enough, I learned that some people were not ready and others never would be. I realized it wasn’t my job to take them where they weren’t willing to go. So, while I enjoy surrounding myself with people with various perspectives, I save my more profound thoughts for those in my tribe and nurture relationships with people of similar ethics and goals.
Tip 9: Get Professional Support
As stated above, finding your voice and standing up for yourself takes courage. It is crucial to be able to respond and be heard in adversarial debates and discussions.
Strong self-esteem is essential in this challenge. Other necessary traits include confidence, charisma, self-respect, belief, and perseverance. Childhood abuse, old programming, and patterns that may span a lifetime or many lifetimes may diminish such a strong character.
Overcoming these challenges may require the support of a qualified professional trained in techniques that address these issues. Hypnotherapy is considered an approach that derives rapid and effective results.
Ending Words
Finding your voice can be transformative, enabling you to express your true self.
Finding your voice becomes an empowering experience through practice and persistence. We’ve covered several techniques that can be practiced to enhance one’s ability to find one’s voice.
It’s common to struggle to find your voice, but it is essential to personal growth. Such personal growth may require overcoming personal blocks and past experiences that prevent you from standing up for yourself.
If this is true for you, please schedule your free 30-minute Discovery Call to discuss your concerns and navigate a path forward to successfully finding your voice.
